The Crazy Way I Manifested My Dream Job

The Crazy Way I Manifested My Dream Job

A couple years ago I quit my high-paying job because it was making me stressed and unhappy. I took the time off to work on my mental health and figure out what I really wanted to do in life.

After a whole lotta soul-searching, I came to the realization that my one true calling was to create this blog, Mindaya. I wanted to help people, because I didn’t want anyone else to feel the way I was feeling at my worst (which you can read about here!).

Fast forward to today – I have my own online business, my mental health is in the BEST condition it’s ever been in, and I feel genuinely fulfilled. It was with this new, healthy mindset that I realized I was ready to go back to my 9-5 job. Why? because I knew that in order to make my dream work (this blog), I needed to have some extra money to help make it great. But this time, I wasn’t going to let my 9-5 job take over my life. Nope – this time, it was going to be on my own terms.

I’m now working again at the job I had years ago, but it’s a whole lot different now – that is, a whole lot better. So I thought I’d share with you how exactly I made this happen. *Spoiler alert* – it all came down to manifesting!

So to anyone else who feels “stuck” in a job or a routine that they don’t like or that makes them unhappy – I want you to know that you too have the power in you to choose what you want. Whether that’s quitting a job to find a better one, or finding the confidence to ask for what YOU want in your current job – it’s all totally possible!

Here are the things that you need to know when it comes to manifesting your dream job

 

1. You need to know what you want 

Before going any further, you need to take some time to make a goal plan and figure out what will truly make you happy on a deep level. This is going to take a lot of inner-work, so make sure you spend some time on this.

For me, I discovered that the two things that would make me happy were:

  1. Using my creative talents
  2. Not working a ton of hours

I know that I’m not the type of person that can handle boatloads of work. I just don’t have it in me. I need my rest and relaxation time – and a lot of it.

I also know that I need to be creative to feel fulfilled. This is something that is really important to my wellbeing.

At the time, my 9-5 job wasn’t giving me these two things that I needed. It wasn’t allowing me to express my creative potential, and it was far too demanding of my time.

So I knew that to combat this, I needed to do two things: first, I needed to carve out a creative outlet for myself. Enter this blog, Mindaya! Second, I needed to significantly reduce my hours at my desk job (so that I could have enough time to spend on my creative outlet!).

2. You need to ask for what you want

The next order of business in manifesting your dream job is to actually ask for it. I know this can be difficult (especially when it means asking your boss – eek!), but it’s a necessary step if you want to live a life that will make you happy.

For me, I knew that I needed to talk to my boss about my hours. So I straight-up told them exactly what I wanted – less hours, and the ability to work remotely.

Luckily, I had a great rapport with them already because I used to work with them (and they liked me!), so this was something that they were willing to agree to. Success!

The funny thing is, it was all so easy! It never occurred to me before that I could just ask for what I wanted, but that’s really all it took!

 

So once you know what you want, just ask for it. You may be surprised at what you’ll get!

 

3. You need to know your worth

When I was working at this job before, I wasn’t getting paid nearly as much as I am now. It was actually a stroke of luck that I saw the job posting online – and they were offering a lot more than I was making at the time!

This was probably to entice more experienced people to apply, but I knew that I was worth that much as well, even though I was less experienced.

It can be uncomfortable asking for money, I know. I was certainly uncomfortable when I asked for that much, but the one thing I’ve come to realize is that you need to know your own value. Don’t be ashamed of putting a good price on yourself! For me, I knew that they would get their moneys worth when they hired me at that salary – I knew I was worth that much. 

4. You need to be flexible

Although I’m now working my job on my own terms, it still may not be my “dream job” forever and ever. I know this. However, at the moment, it’s allowing me to live my dream lifestyle – and that’s the main thing. I know that in the future, my priorities may change and evolve, and this job may also change and evolve. And that’s totally okay.

So when it comes to manifesting your dream job, always remember that nothing is set in stone. Life changes every day, week, month, and year – and you will inevitably change along with it. This is a beautiful thing, because change = growth. So don’t get too attached to your current situation, whatever it may be. Things may surprise you down the road!

Happy manifesting!

7 Outrageous Media Misconceptions that are Making You Unhappy

7 Outrageous Media Misconceptions that are Making You Unhappy

Lately, I’ve been kinda pissed off at the media. 

In a world where it’s getting harder and harder to make enough money to live and do the things that make us feel good (a.k.a keep us from getting super anxious!), we are also being bombarded with things in the media that make us feel even worse!

So in this blog post, I thought I’d share with you 7 of the biggest (and most dangerous) misconceptions the media is telling us. And remember – the most important thing to know when it comes to media consumption is that we all need to take responsibility for and be super mindful of what we let into our mental space (and our phones!).

1. That you need to go to school, get a job, go into debt to buy a house, and then retire when you’re too old to enjoy it

This is something I have talked about probably a million and one times before – because it is SO TRUE. We are being told that every human on planet earth should follow the same linear trajectory in life. How crazy is that? We are all completely different, and we all have our own stories to write.

So if you don’t land that perfect job right after graduating, don’t worry – pretty much none of us do. In all honesty, it’s a bit of a fantasy. And even if some people do land the job of their dreams right away, so what? Their life path has nothing to do with yours. We need to stop pretending we still live in a 1950’s sitcom. Life is so much more complex than that – we are so much more complex than that. And that’s what makes life so beautiful!

2. That you need to find the “perfect” partner (and basically everything else they teach you about romance in the movies and TV)

This is so not true. Cinderella is a fantasy, just like Bridget Jones’s Diary is a fantasy. Why? Because they don’t reflect how love really is. Love is…

Actually, there’s no one way to describe love! This is because it’s different for each and every one of us. Sometimes it’s messy, sometimes it’s confusing, sometimes it’s painful. Love can be anything. Those warm and fuzzy romantic dreams that Hollywood feeds us is nothing but a facade. Don’t forget – movies only last for 2 hours. How on earth can a 2 hour acted drama be a reflection of real life? Real life is a whole lot messier and a whole lot longer than that.

And on top of all that, the “perfect” partner doesn’t even exist. That’s right, there’s no such thing as Prince Charming. Nobody is perfect. We all have our faults, and if you expect your significant other to be some sort of God on earth, you’re going to be very disappointed (note: this shouldn’t be upsetting – it should be encouraging!)

3. That everything in life is easy and do-able

It’s a common misconception that people reach their goals in life really fast. What you don’t see, however, is all the crazy hard work that people put into it behind the scenes (and how long it took them to get there!). 

I watched one show recently that showed kids in high school developing apps in their spare time and making tons of money off of them. The show made it look so simple. Like, these kids just started developing apps on a Tuesday afternoon and it took off.

And we can’t forget the millions of influencers on our social feeds who appear to have these sparkly, perfect lives and make everything in their daily life look dazzling

The truth is, though, you’re not actually seeing all the gruelling hours of work that’s been put in behind the scenes. And on top of that, most of the stuff we do see is seriously edited anyway. 

4. That you need to have a “perfect” body and that most people have perfect bodies because you see it everywhere

I was watching ‘Friends’ recently and I couldn’t get over how good the actresses’ bodies were. They just looked so “perfect”. And as I was watching, I noticed that I began to suddenlty feel insecure about my body!  

But then I thought about it for a minute – these are professional actors who basically get paid to look good. Their job is to stay in impeccable shape. Comparing myself to this way of celebrity living is just ridiculous. I don’t want to spend most of my day working on my weight and my body – that’s just not realistic for my way of life, and I’m sure it’s the same for a lot of you, as well.

5. That mental illness is “cool”

This one is a bit of a touchy subject because if you do have a mental illness, it’s nice to make light of it sometimes because then it doesn’t feel so bad.

But there’s a flipside to this, as well. There are so many people in the media who claim that they have OCD or that they’re depressed – but they only say it to give them a “quirky” or “cool” vibe.

Again, we can look at the show ‘Freinds’. Monica basically has OCD. In the show, her OCD (although it’s really not OCD) is portrayed as something that makes her fun and silly. In reality though, OCD is a serious mental health issue, and I guarentee you that people who truly have OCD do not feel like it’s just a quirky, fun character trait. I can say from experience that it’s actually a very tormenting thing that makes you feel awful. 

6. That everyone knows exactly what to say all the time

For a lot of people who struggle with social anxiety (or just may not be very socially-adept), it can be intimidating watching all those people in the media who always seem to have the perfect thing to say all the time. It could be people on TV, in the movies, even on YouTube and Instagram – everyone’s conversation and dialogue just seems to flow so smoothly! 

But we need to remember that none of this is actually natural. People on TV and in the movies have scripts, and people on social media are just posting their highlights. Real life, on the other hand, doesn’t have the luxury of being rehearsed and edited.

So don’t compare yourself to people you see in the media – it’s a totally unrealistic standard. And I’m willing to bet that if you met a lot of these people in real-life, they probably won’t come across as such smooth-talkers!

7. That buying product ‘x’ will make you happy

I didn’t really realize this until I started an online business myself, but honestly everyone is trying to sell you something. What does this mean? It means that when they make recommendations or when they make certain posts about products, they don’t always have your best interest in mind, and they could be lying or stretching the truth.

Even things that seem super trust-worthy like university and the pharmaceutical industry are just businesses trying to sell to you! So if you think you have all the information, remember: what you see isn’t always what you get. That new, sparkly product that your favourite YouTuber is plugging may not be the Holy Grail to everlasting happiness…it may just be the key to some extra cash in their pocket!

Moral of the story: most things are an illusion and they can seriously warp our perspective of reality to the point that we start to think we’re inadequate

The media is made up primarily of things that are 1) meant to entertain you, and 2) make you feel inadequate. This is for one reason only: so that people can make money off of you

So be careful and be conscientious when choosing what media you watch. There are of course some good people out there (I hope I’m one of them!) who are trying to do things to genuinely help other people. I myself do sell some products but I also offer a lot of free information and basically I only sell products so that I can make this website and make a living off of it (and provide more free information down the road!).

And there are a lot of other content creators doing just the same, but there are bad seeds out there who ruin it for everyone. And it’s the bad seeds that have the ability to warp our minds and leave us feeling inadequate and unhappy. So when it comes to the media, remember: be picky, and take everything with a grain of salt!

12 Ways to Reconnect with Your Inner Child

12 Ways to Reconnect with Your Inner Child

In part 1 of this article, we went over how negative experiences from our childhood has lead to us having unhealed wounds in our adulthood. We also discussed the 22 ways you can tell that you may have unhealed wounds.

Now it’s time to move onto the fun part – that is, the healing part

The importance of healing your inner child

When we nurture our unhealed wounds from childhood, we are “re-parenting” the childlike part of ourselves. We are telling our inner child that it’s okay, that she’s not in danger, and that we haven’t forgotten about her. Okay, I know it sounds super hippy-dippy and New Age-y, but TRUST ME, it will make such a huge difference in your life! Besides, the alternative is much worse.

If we ignore the fact that our inner child has wounds (which a lot of us do) and if we don’t give our inner child the nurturing and attention it needs (which a lot of us don’t), we’ll keep performing the same negative behaviours over and over and over in our life. And it will just make us feel worse and worse about ourselves.

Too often, instead of giving our inner child the attention, encouragement, and support that it yearns for, we put her down and criticize her. We look in the mirror and lament about how much weight we’ve gained or how “ugly” we are. We scold ourselves if we eat a little bit too much, if we don’t do something “perfectly”, or if we say something “wrong” in a social situation. We tell ourselves that our partner is going to leave us, that we’re worthless, that we’re a failure.

We need to stop putting our inner child down.

It’s time to re-parent that forgotten part of ourselves. It’s time to revisit the unmet needs, irrational fears, unsolved questions, suppressed emotions, lost enthusiasm, and forgotten creativity. Our inner child is and always has been there, and she’s crying out at us for the guidance that was lost along the way.

12 ways to heal and reconnect with your inner child

1) Apologize for neglecting your inner child

You need to acknowledge and tell yourself that you’re sorry for disregarding your inner child for so long. This is the first step in getting a dialogue between you and her started back up again!

2) Remind yourself how wonderful you are

Stop focusing on your flaws and all the things “wrong” with you. Every day, write down three things that you love about yourself. It could be anything from your ability to make other people laugh to your Minnie Mouse-shaped birthmark on your foot!

3) Be mindful of (read: CENSOR) your inner critic

Remember – just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean the child you once were is gone. Look at a photo of yourself as a child and realize that whenever you say hurtful things to yourself, you are saying those hurtful things to that vulnerable child in the photograph. I know, it’s sad – but it’s true.

4) Find a safe place

Make sure you have a physical space where you can just hide away from the world for a while and let your inner child’s thoughts and imagination run free. Maybe it’s your favourite cafe, maybe it’s a spot in the forest, or maybe it’s in the corner of your closet!

5) Pay attention to your feelings

Ask yourself throughout the day, “how am I feeling right now?” (*spoiler*: the answer you get is from the voice of your inner child! She loves when you ask her this question). Keep in mind: the most important part of this is taking how she responds seriously.

inner child guidance

6) Tell yourself you have nothing to feel ashamed about

There’s no need to hold onto shame or regret of things that happened in the past. You’re a human, you’re learning, and you will make mistakes (because that’s what humans do). Just let it go and make sure your inner child knows that you forgive her. Trust me, this will make her VERY giddy to hear!

7) Remind yourself that you’re not at fault

As we’ve learned, a lot of how you behave isn’t because of you, but because of your environment. Go easier on yourself – a lot of it’s not even your fault! Think about it, would you blame a child this much? Likely not!

FYI – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on bettering yourself, it just means you shouldn’t do it from a place of blame.

8) Rediscover a forgotten passion

Did you love making art when you were a child? Grab some coloured pencils and get drawing! Don’t worry about it being “good” or not. Your inner child doesn’t care about those sorts of things.

9) Do ‘childlike’ things

Reconnect with the little things that brought you joy as a kid. Maybe you loved a particular type of sugary cereal – buy it and have it for breakfast every now and then! Maybe you loved playing games on your PlayStation – get an old copy Spyro or Crash and just enjoy!

10) Write a letter to your inner child

Write anything that comes from the heart. It could be nurturing words, an apology, encouragement, advice, or even a short story! Just write something – your inner child will love reading it no matter what it is (bonus: your inner child doesn’t even care about grammar!)

11) Visualize

Here’s a fun exercise – grab a photo of yourself as a child and stand in front of a mirror. Look at the photo, and then look at yourself. This will really help you make a connection between yourself and your inner child and will help you visualize yourself as that child now!

*Tip: This is a great exercise to do onto other people as well. Look at the people in your life – your friends, your partner, your parents – and imagine them as children. When you do this, you’ll come to realize that everyone, just like you, has an inner child that has wounds and insecurities that needs nurturing. This is a great way to cultivate compassion and understanding towards others.

12) Remember it takes time

Years of neglecting your inner child won’t solve itself overnight, but with little steps taken each and every day, you will get there. Each time you do something to reconnect with your inner child, you’ll notice that little differences start sprouting up in your life. And trust me, it’ll be an amazing thing for you to experience.

When we heal our inner child, we let go of things in the past that we didn’t even realize we were holding onto. We learn to become in tune with ourselves in a way that we didn’t know we were missing out on. We learn, most of all, to love ourselves.

Natalie Burns-Holland

Natalie Burns-Holland

Content Creator at Mindaya

Natalie is a freelance writer living in Edinburgh, Scotland.
8 Things You Were Scolded For as a Child That Have Hurt Your Self-Esteem as an Adult

8 Things You Were Scolded For as a Child That Have Hurt Your Self-Esteem as an Adult

I think it’s safe to say that everyone struggles with their self-esteem at some point or another. It’s just human nature.

But although we may think that low self-esteem is just “our own issue”, most of the time it actually comes about because of things we were taught (that is, things were were scolded for) in our childhood!

When we were growing up, we learned from our parents, our teachers, our peers, and – of course – the media, that we should feel self-conscious and that we should feel as though we aren’t enough just the way we are. These feelings of inadequacy then became embedded in our mind, and as we grew up, it manifested in low self-esteem. And the more complicated life got, the worse our self-esteem seemed to get!

So for this blog post, I thought I’d take a look at some common things that we were scolded for in our childhood that have led to us being self-conscious as adults. And at the end of the article, I’ll explore some practical tools that will help reverse these effects! 

Not getting good grades

If you were scolded for not getting good grades as a child, then you might have started to associate your self-worth with your accomplishments in life.

This is something that so many of us do. But in reality, we should never get our sense of worth based on the things we accomplish (in school, in our career, or otherwise). Things like this will come and go – and our self-worth will fluctuate with it!

Instead, we should aim to feel worthy based on who we are as a person.

Saying something “stupid” 

If you’ve been made fun of or gotten into trouble for saying something that others deem as “stupid” when you were a child, then later in life, you may constantly feel like you’re saying something stupid.

The truth is, everyone at some point says something stupid. And honestly, it’s not even stupid – it’s just that you might have interpreted something differently or you didn’t quite understand what someone meant. Or it could have just been a total brain fart – it happens to the best of us!

We all have such different backgrounds and such different experiences – you can’t expect to know everything and be able to respond “perfectly” to everything people say.

Doing something wrong  

Children don’t have the same knowledge about what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ as adults do. This is just biology. 

While it’s important to learn right/wrong when we’re growing up, we can’t be expected to become morality masters when we’re 5 years old (or even 10, 12, or 15 years old!). If you were constantly scolded for doing something “wrong” when you were a child, you may become anxious about not doing the right thing when you’re older.

This is problematic, because humans aren’t perfect creatures, and we will all do something wrong at some point. This doesn’t make us bad, and it shoudln’t be something we’re self-conscious about. 

Getting angry or emotional

Think about the last time you were sad. What about angry? Frustrated? I’m willing to bet you can remember. Why? Because we have these emotions ALL the time!

Being angry and emotional is a totally natural part of life. The thing is, while we don’t shame adults for being emotional, we do shame kids for it!

For some reason, a lot of people get really mad at children for showing emotion. Not everybody does this of course, but you may have had experiences as a child where you were scolded for just feeling your feelings. I just want to tell you that it’s not your fault, and that it’s okay to feel these things.

If more children were allowed to express their emotions freely, then maybe we wouldn’t have as many adults who are unable to express their emotions or who bottle them all up and then have other, more serious problems as a result.

Eating something that you weren’t supposed to

Many of our parents grew up in a diet culture, so when you were growing up, you may have experienced them telling you things like “that’s not healthy!” or “that’ll make you gain weight!”.

Even if you were never “scolded” for it, there’s a lot of subtle language that can make us feel bad about our food choices (and maybe even our bodies) that can cause us to have major food issues and body image issues as adults. 

Doing something that wasn’t your fault

Sometimes when we were kids, we got into trouble for things that someone else did. When this happened to us, we didnt understand why, and we didn’t know how to process it. It just seemed so unfair.

If this happened to you a lot, you may later in life start to worry that people won’t beleive you or that people are “out to get you”. This is a dangerous thing to think, as it can cause major trust issues

Speaking your mind

How many of you remeber being told as a kid “don’t say that!”. I’m betting a lot of you!

The thing is, many children were taught that they had to behave the same way as adults. We had to say what adults wanted us to say and do what adults wanted us to do. And if we ever were to speak our minds or disagree with our “elders”, they’d get angry at us, and we’d begin to think that it’s not okay to speak our minds.

Later in life, this could lead to you feeling insecure or uncomfortable about speaking your mind for fear of being rejected or shut down. 

Not wanting to do something

When I was young, I honestly felt so bad for the kids who never got to have a say in what they wanted to do. Nowadays, there are a lot of kids who get to do whatever they want (this is a different problem!), but there are still a lot of kids who literally don’t get to do what they want – at all.

Alternatively, if they don’t want to do something that really upsets them for some reason (that reason might be hard for adults to understand, but it’s valid nonetheless) and they were pushed to do it anyway, then that would lead them believing that their opinions aren’t valid later in life. And if that happened to you as a child you may have some unconscious beliefs that people don’t care about your opinion.

How to reverse these ideas

Damaged self-esteem from childhood can be difficult to heal, but don’t worry – it’s not impossible! It just takes some practice. Over time, your beliefs can change – as long as you take active steps towards changing them. And that’s what I’m here to help for!

 Some good first steps include:

  • Journaling
  • Bringing awareness to your self-talk in situations that make you feel self-conscious
  • Actively working on self-love
  • Working on healing your inner-child
  • Therapy or counselling

Here are some helpful blog posts I’ve written about changing your limiting beliefs, fostering self-love through journaling, and healing your inner child. These will be a great help in starting you on you self-esteem journey:

30 Days of Self-Love Journal Challenge

How to Heal Your Inner Child When Your Criticize Her Every Day

Learning About Limiting Beliefs and How to Heal Them 

I also have some FREE worksheets you can have sent straight to your inbox – all you have to do is sign up below! 

And lastly – here’s a great online therapy platform I HIGHLY recommend that will help you – it’s a bit cheaper than traditional therapy and doesn’t require meeting face-to-face (perfect for social distancing!).

 

8 Essential Ways to Protect Your Emotions as an Empath

8 Essential Ways to Protect Your Emotions as an Empath

Lately I’ve been feeling VERY emotional. Is it because my life is difficult right now? No. Is it because life is difficult for some people I care about? Yes!

I’ve realized that I am a TOTAL empath!

I’ve always been aware that I’m generally empathetic, but lately it’s been much more prominent in my life and more difficult to deal with. And I bet many of you can relate!

That’s why I started thinking of ways we empaths can protect ourselves so we don’t get too drained and overwhelmed. 

If you’re here, you probably already know that you’re an empath, but in case you’re not sure, here are some ways to tell.

  • You can feel just as sad when something bad happens to someone you know as you would if it happened to you
  • You frequently feel emotional and don’t really know why
  • You may feel anxiety over jobs or tasks that will impact someone else
  • You get really sad during emotional movies
  • You generally feel a desire to help people and love the idea of improving the lives of others

So when you are an empath and exhibit some of these qualities, it can be very easy to get either emotionally drained or emotionally overwhelmed. 

So here are 8 ways to protect your emotions as an empath

#1 Reflect on who or what causes you to feel drained or overwhelmed

Do you feel drained after watching the news? Do you feel overwhelmed when reading about problems happening in the world?

Does the same happen when someone you know is having a bad day?

Or do you have someone in your life who uses you as an emotional crutch? (Either intentionally or not)

These things can be very draining for an empath and it’s the first step to recognize them.

#2 Recognize that you can’t fight people’s battles for them

As an empath, you probably want to solve everyone’s problems because you will feel so affected by them. 

Whether it’s wanting to save the world or fix all the problems of those close to you, you can’t do it all.

That isn’t to say that you can’t do your part to help the world or your loved ones, but recognize that you can only do so much – and that you do need to take care of your mental wellness first.

#3 Give what is within your comfortable range

So we already know that you would do anything for the people you care about, but let’s be real – you have limits. You can’t do it all. 

Figure out what is reasonable for you that you can help with and do that. 

You’ll feel good about contributing, but you won’t feel overwhelmed or drained. 

Related Article:  100 Self-Care Activities

#4 Determine your boundaries and stick to them

You can take #3 a step further and really figure out what you are able to give to others while still protecting your own emotional health.

A little exercise I like to do is think about about what “fills my cup” and what “empties my cup”.

There’s a popular saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, meaning that you can’t help or give to others if you aren’t at your best (or at least at a good emotional level).

Make sure you stay away from the things that empty your cup.

If you are constantly doing things for people that empty your cup, you will burn out. 

If you’re getting drained by trying to please everyone, here are some tips:

-in any area of life, whether it’s at work or in your personal life, know that it’s ok to say no to things!

-be genuine and express that you just don’t have the emotional capacity right now

-if you do want to help people but you just find they drain you a bit too much, set a limit. Let them know you are there for them, but tell them in advance that you can only give so much time

-recognize that each person is in charge of their own lives and, whether they realize it or not, it will benefit them to work through their problems on their own.

#5 COMMUNICATE!!!!!

If there are people who continuously draining your energy and causing you negative emotions, you MUST communicate with them clearly. 

Let them know how they can affect you in a calm and nice way. 

Tell them that there are certain things you can’t help with and suggest someone that can help them (therapist, professional advisor, etc.)

If you let people know that you care, and that you actually might care too much, they will be more understanding.

Let them know that you are still there to listen, but that sometimes you need a break. Again, suggest therapy or counselling (or even a helpline) if you feel like they need more help or if you are worried that they are in a crisis. 

If it’s a co-worker or boss that is draining your energy by being demanding, callous, mean, or anything else that makes you feel upset – communication is key.

As an empath, you will take on that energy so strongly and it will not be a good environment for you.

And although it might seem scary to confront someone you work with (especially one who might be a little bit scary to you), it will be much better for you in the long run to at least try to make things better for yourself.

#6 Make time for self-care!!!

You need a you day! You NEED self-care in order to re-charge your mental energy.

Remember how we talked about filling your cup? Well in my mind, self-care is the best way to fill your cup.

Make sure that you do the things that fill your cup!

You can check out my post on 100 self-care ideas or sign up to get TONS of self-care worksheets, journal exercises, and tips on happy and healthy living! 

#7 Journal

Journaling is an incredible way to release your emotions if you are feeling bogged down by them. 

You can use stream of consciousness journaling to let go and release all of your thoughts onto paper. 

You can also use guided exercises like the 5 why’s and a thought dissection exercise. You can get them by following the links or you can download my free self-care worksheets above, so you can get beautiful printable worksheets (you can also fill them in my editing the pdfs). 

Just write down how you feel and that can help you get your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and body. 

#8 Consider therapy, counselling, or coaching

Sometimes these empathetic feelings can really affect you, and that’s ok.

Sometimes there are toxic people that are hard to escape from. (And if you do think you’re in a toxic or even abusive relationship, there are resources to help, like this website)

Therapy or counselling is an excellent way to deal with your emotions. Whether you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or just need advice on how to deal with different people and situations in your life! 

You can also consider online therapy, which is a great way to get counselling and therapy from the comfort of your own home!

Protecting your emotions as an empath is ESSENTIAL

If you need any extra help with self-care and your mental health I have tons of free resources that you can use below! 

It comes with 100+ journal prompts (and many more resources) that can help you to manage your emotions and live a balanced and healthy life!

30 Days of Self-Love for a More Confident You! | Self-Love Challenge

30 Days of Self-Love for a More Confident You! | Self-Love Challenge

“I’m not good enough for that”

“They’re not going to like me”

“There’s no way I could ever do that” 

“Ugh I wish I was skinnier”

“I can’t believe I said that. Why did I say that???”

These are just a few examples of things that we say to ourselves that can be completely unfair and definitely not self-loving. 

If you find yourself saying any of these things to yourself or anything similar, you can definitely benefit from a 30-day self-love reset.

You can definitely go through these exercises in less or more time than the 30 days, but I feel that 30 days is a good length of time to create a habit of self-love. 

I have outlined everything in this post, but if you would like a beautiful printable copy to follow along with, you can sign up below for free!

You’ll also get tons of other printable sheets to help you with self-care, mental health, productivity, and really everything that contributes towards a happy and healthy life!

Why I created 30 Days of Self-Love

I used to be one of those people who did not have much self-love at all.

I was constantly beating myself up about every little thing I did wrong, I would be up all night if I said anything I thought was “stupid”, I was constantly sad if I wasn’t doing as well as other people in school or in my career, and I was unfair to my body because I didn’t look the way I thought I should. 

The list goes on.

I didn’t realize that these unhelpful sayings were actually way more toxic than I thought.

These were signs of a severe lack of self-love.

To love someone is to love them for not only for their good qualities but for their flaws as well. 

Think about how you give love to others: 

You still love your parents even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your friends even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your partner even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your dog even though… wait… nevermind, dogs are perfect! 

But you get my point! 

You need to love yourself like you love others!

You need to learn to love yourself FOR your flaws and for the amazing strength you have for surviving the things that have made you feel like you are not good enough.

But now, it’s time to change how you think about those things that made you have love for yourself less and start using them as your strengths. 

My Biggest Self-Love Breakthrough

When I FINALLY started to truly love myself was when I forgave myself for my mistakes and showed myself compassion for all the things I had been through.

Life is unfair, and there are a lot of great people who get a lot of crap thrown at them that they don’t deserve. 

That includes you. 

And you have to realize that it’s not your fault that these things happened to you. 

People are mean to you because they have problems.

People expect you to be skinny/pretty (or any other annoying standard) because society has problems.

You have unrealistic success standards for yourself because you are comparing yourself to unrealistic standards that don’t reflect reality.

What to Expect for the next 30 Days of Self-Love 

So for the next 30 days, we’re going to focus on retraining your brain on how you see yourself, your successes, and your failures.

Each day will build off of the previous day to slowly bring you to having more love for yourself. 

Try to do these in the morning so that you can keep the positivity flowing throughout the day!

Day 1: Write an intention that you can use every day.

Here are some examples. 

A daily intention will help you start your day with purpose. You can write the intention (or a new intention) at the top of your journal page every morning so that you can remind yourself every day. 

Day 2: Write five positive affirmations about yourself. 

Think about different aspects of your personality and why they make you truly unique.

Try to incorporate saying these into your daily routine.

Hint: try things like writing them on your mirror (or on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror) or saying them when you wake up (along with your daily intention).

Day 3: List all of the toxic things you say about yourself

(I know that you know you’re being toxic to yourself, don’t say that you don’t know which habits are toxic)

But if you don’t know, some toxic habits include:

-beating yourself up over tiny mistakes

-calling yourself stupid

-believing everything is your fault and that you are somehow responsible for how others are feeling

This is going to be a great way to identify when you are being unfair to yourself.

Day 4: Re-wiring thought patterns

This is an exercise that you should do every time you have a negative thought.

Look back at your toxic habits from yesterday’s exercise. 

For every bad thought about yourself, write something positive.

For every fear or insecurity you have, write a strength that you have that could help you deal with the fear or insecurity.

Think about why you feel you say those things to yourself. What could be the cause?

Day 5: Write a letter to your childhood self. 

What were your insecurities? 

How do you feel about them now? 

What have you learned since then? 

How can you apply that now? 

Day 6: Write a letter to your teenage self.

What were your insecurities? 

How do you feel about them now? 

What have you learned since then? 

How can you apply that now? 

Day 7: Write yourself a pep talk for when you feel sad or full of doubt. 

Sometimes we get caught up in our minds, and our emotions, like fear, doubt, and sadness can cause us to lose sight of all the positive things about us and in our lives. It’s important to have something to look back on when you’re feeling down.

Day 8: What kind of words would your closest friend, sibling, or parent say about you? 

And don’t say that they don’t have anything good to say about you, because they definitely do have kind words to say about you, even if you don’t think so.

Day 9: For every “weakness” you think you have, write a strength that you have. Or even better, write ways in which your weakness is actually a strength.

This is another way to rewire your thinking patterns.

Day 10: Write a list of inspirational quotes to look back on. 

Here are some of my favourites:

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years, try approving of yourself and see what happens” – Louise Hay

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you” – Andrea Dykstra

“Your greatest responsibility is to love yourself and to know that you are enough” – Unknown

Day 12: Write five things you can do right now that can help you feel better. 

This is important because it gives you the power. This is going to help show your brain that you are in control.

Day 13: Think back to the times where you have felt uncomfortable receiving a compliment. 

Why do you think that is?

This is a great time to do the “5 why’s exercise”. Where you ask yourself “Why?” 5 times, each time diving deeper and getting to the original root cause of your fear or insecurity.

Day 14: When was the last time you felt empowered and like a true badass? 

What were you doing? 

Do you remember what you were thinking about yourself? 

Try to use these feelings and situations in the future to start feeling like this more often!

Day 15: Write a letter to your insecurities and tell them why they absolutely don’t define you. 

What defines you is your character and your will to improve if you’ve done something wrong.

Nothing else really matters.

Day 16: Write as if: how would you act if you were the most confident person in the world? 

What would you do? What would you wear? How would you approach people? How would you handle arguments? How would you handle your mistakes?

Day 17: Write down a list of people you admire.

In what ways are you similar to them?  

Day 18: What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Stop beating yourself up for every little thing. We are all human and certainly cannot be perfect. It is perfectly ok that you have made mistakes, as long as you can own them and strive to be better next. It’s really all that you can do. 

Day 19: Write yourself a letter giving yourself forgiveness.

The act of writing this and letting go of the things that bring you guilt and shame can be very freeing.

This is something you can come back to when you are feeling guilty or shameful.

Day 20: What are your core values? Why do they make you special?

We all have unique ways of adding value to the world and that can make us very special.

Core values include: being kind, supporting the environment, being honest, being loyal, defending others, helping others by giving constructive criticism, and many other things.

Day 21: Write a list of your greatest accomplishments.

Even if they are super small, they are an accomplishment. 

Even if it was as simple as getting out of bed

Day 22: Write a list of ways that you add value to the world. 

Remember that there are many things that you do that people appreciate about you, but you just don’t realize that they do. 

Think about even the smallest things: do you smile at people? Do you make people feel included? Do you hold the door open for people? Do you make a killer lasagna? Whatever it is, know that you add a unique value to the world and that is something to be proud of.

Day 23: What are some things you can work on to be the person that you want to be. 

Attention: This does not mean changing yourself or any of your core values! It also does not mean that you are not incredible the way you are. It just means that you can make some adjustments to start working towards your personal goals. 

Day 24: Write why it’s OK that you are not there yet.

It’s perfectly ok to not quite be there (or to be far from that “ideal” version of yourself). You are amazing the way you are.

Also, there are things in your life that you have gone through that have caused mental or emotional blocks for you, or maybe have caused

Day 25: Why is it important to you to be this “ideal person”? 

Do you feel pressured?

Does it align with your core values? 

Day 26: What are your true dreams? 

What is standing in your way? Why? Write why it’s ok that you are not there yet. Write actions tips that you can start doing to get closer to that dream.

Day 27: Write something positive about each of your body parts, face, and even your “problem areas”. 

Body shame is another huge reason for a lack of self-love, but why should it matter? 

Don’t like the look of your legs? They help you walk, dance, run, play sports, you name it! You should be grateful to them, not being ashamed and trying to change them.

Day 28: List your biggest triumphs. 

What have you overcome to get where you are today? There have probably been many obstacles you have overcome that you should be so proud of!

Day 29: Imagine you had a friend with all of your exact characteristics.

What positive things would you say to them? What would you tell them if they had a bad day? And what would you say to them if they failed at something? 

Trying to see things from a different perspective can help you to go easier on yourself. You wouldn’t judge someone else (especially a friend) nearly as much as you judge yourself.

Day 30: Write 5 positive affirmations about yourself

Yes, you did do this on day two, but I want you to do this again (without looking back to day two) and then compare to see how far you have come on your self-love journey.

***

Feel free to look back on any of these exercises when you need a little extra love! Your whole idea of yourself might not change in just 30 days, but it’s definitely worth it to start!

If you want a gorgeous, printable version of this you can sign up below to get access for free!